You want to date… your mother?

At lunch today I ended up sitting with all men. One of these men is upwards of 40, but I have no idea just how upwards – call him “Bob”. The other two are close to my age – 23. One, let’s call him “M” was the same year in school as me. The other graduated two years before me – call him “D.”

D has attended a lot of weddings this summer. He’s at that age when all your friends get married. Not infrequently when one of these weddings is mentioned someone will ask about D’s girlfriend. “Is she pushing you to propose?”* Usually D responds with some asinine comment along the lines of, “I put the kibosh on that.”**

Today, though, D said she doesn’t really talk about marriage. Bob and M responded with, “Oooh, where’d you find a woman like that?!” D then said, “She cooks and cleans, too. And does my laundry.” Bob and M were even more impressed.

“So, you all want to date your mother?” I wanted to ask. But it was work, so it didn’t seem appropriate.

What is with that, though? How many men honestly want to date a woman who does everything a housewife from the 50s does, but who doesn’t want to actually be a housewife? How many men realize that wanting a woman who will cook, clean, and launder for them is basically like wanting a younger version of their mother to whom they are unrelated because we all know that they want sex, too?

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be taken care of, but who wants to make their loved one work that much?! Lazy.

I’m thankful I found a sane man that sees me as a real person, rather than solely as a woman. When I asked him about his thoughts he told me he likes that I like to cook because it means 1. one of us can cook and 2. it’s fun for him to cook with and learn from me. Cooking is a hobby for me, I’d revolt if expected to do it on a daily basis for other people. He also likes that I have clean habits – not that I clean for him, which I don’t.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the world would be a lot better off if our romantic relationships were more equal partnerships rather than “man and wife.”****

Also, while I’m not sure why D’s girlfriend would want to marry him, who says she has to hint at it? Why not just propose?

*Okay, that’s a more sophisticated version of what they say, but you get the idea.

** This is, quite possibly, a regional expression. It might even be like duck, duck , grey duck.

*** Two things – first, this is very much about heterosexual, monogamous couples, mostly because I’m not sure how all of this works in any other situation. Second, that phrase always bugged me. He gets to stay a “man,” but now she’s defined as his wife – a word dependent on relationship to another. As if the fact that woman is just “man” plus a couple letters wasn’t bad enough.

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