Don’t Answer Your Phone in the Library

Dear Random Man in the Library,

This may be a county library, but that does not mean that answering the phone and having more than a 30 second conversation is acceptable, unless you are in the entry-way. Seriously, I don’t care if you just found out that some woman in your life just got positive news from her eye doctor. No really, I DON’T CARE. I am trying to apply for jobs and determine the course that the next few years of my life will take and other people are trying to focus or read or both.

Here is a list of acceptable library noises (acceptable doesn’t mean I like them):

  1. Squeaky library cart
  2. whispered conversation about books in the stacks
  3. whispered answering the phone to tell someone to hold on while you exit the quiet areas in the library
  4. the sound of typing on a keyboard
  5. the sounds of texting (but not your cell phone ringing or vibrating obnoxiously – I think we all realize by this point that “vibrate” does not mean “silent”)
  6. pages turning
  7. books falling because you can’t resist taking more than you can carry
  8. librarians answering phones
  9. librarians answering questions
  10. drinking water because you know how important it is to keep your brain hydrated and in proper working order
  11. Noises of a nature similar to those above

Don’t answer your phone and proceed to have a 5-10 minute conversation in a quiet area of the library filled with study carrels, and definitely do not say, “Tell me all about it,” at any point in your conversation.*

Angrily (and sincerely),


P.S. Your attempt at whispering was pathetic. You sounded like when an obnoxious 3-year-old tries to whisper, you know, the ones who don’t seem to understand what the word “quiet” means? And they yell in your ear? That’s you.

*One exception would be if you are saying, “I can’t talk now. Tell me all about it LATER.”

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